LOS ANGELES, CA — In a plot twist nobody expected (except maybe Gwyneth Paltrow), Coldplay frontman Chris Martin has been named the host of the upcoming reboot of Cheaters, the early-2000s reality show known for exposing unfaithful partners in high-definition heartbreak.
The announcement comes just days after a now-viral video showed a concertgoer—rumored to be a tech CEO—getting caught mid-affair while “Fix You” played tragically in the background. Martin, ever the empathetic performer, paused between verses to awkwardly ask, “Is everything alright over there?” before continuing the song as security escorted a devastated spouse out of the venue and the mistress promptly changed her Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”
According to producers, Martin’s impromptu crowd intervention was so heartfelt and Britishly apologetic that they had no choice but to offer him the hosting gig.
“He’s like if Joey Greco had a Spotify Wrapped,” said the showrunner of Cheaters: Revival. “We saw him quietly mouthing ‘conscious uncoupling’ as the couple imploded in the third row. That’s Emmy material.”
Martin has already penned a new theme song for the reboot, tentatively titled “Caught Out Paradise.”
The new season will feature high-production-value drone surveillance, acoustic interludes before each confrontation, and a live therapist playing soft marimba in the background. Sources say Chris requested each cheater be given a scented candle and a coupon for 15% off at Goop “to start their healing journey.”
When asked how he felt about joining the show, Martin simply said, “It was all yellow. And also, apparently, Ashley from Row 7’s number on Tom’s phone.”
