After years of global uncertainty, existential dread, and the kind of inflation that makes a McDouble feel like a luxury item, McDonald’s has returned to the rescue of humanity’s collective spirit. Yes, McDonald’s Monopoly is back—offering the world a brief, greasy glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this year we’ll finally win free fries for life.
Across the nation, people are peeling off tiny bits of paper with the kind of optimism not seen since vaccines were announced. Forget Powerball. Forget your 401k. The only real retirement plan left is matching Boardwalk and Park Place before your third Big Mac-induced existential crisis.
Sociologists have noted a measurable improvement in morale since the campaign’s return, with some reporting that for the first time in months, they saw someone smile in a drive-thru line. Others call the promotion a dangerous distraction—an edible mirage that keeps society hanging on through another quarter of corporate chaos. But for most of us, it’s simpler: the dream of winning a small Coke is all that keeps us getting out of bed.
So while the world continues to crumble, McDonald’s is doing what it does best—uniting the masses with chance-based hope and salt. It’s not happiness. But it’s close enough for now.