New Healthcare Plan “Accidentally” Printed in Russian

Washington, D.C. – It’s been a hell of a month for Trump. He has lost most of his supporters, Japan’s first lady pretended not to know English to avoid him, and Sean Spicer recently quit his job as White House Press Secretary. On top of these recent downfalls of the Trump administration, the 45th president […]

Trump Announces Hitler Hologram as Running Mate

Trump Announces Hitler Hologram as Running Mate

Washington, DC – As the country waits to see if Hillary Clinton picks Bernie Sanders as her running mate, republican nutcase Donald Trump has announced his running mate. The hotel-mogul took to Twitter to announce that the hologram of Adolf Hitler will be his Vice President if he wins the 2016 election. At Coachella four […]

14 Dead, 56 Wounded in Allston’s Largest Fixie Bike Pile-Up

Allston, MA – The city of Allston is known for one thing: hipsters. If you’ve ever been to this Boston neighborhood, you probably noticed the amount of mustaches, record stores, and bicyclists. The city even has it’s own unofficial holiday: Allston Christmas. The holiday takes place over the first two days in September, when people […]

McDonald’s Protestors Stop at McDonald’s for Lunch

Oak Brook, IL – It’s been months now since fast-food workers started protesting. Employees from McDonald’s and other fast-food chains all across the country have been fighting to make more money, as their pay makes it so most of them are still living in poverty. Success has been reached already in Los Angeles, so the Fight […]

Study Shows Uranus Is Too Dirty to Live on

Cannes, FR – Over the last few months, aeronautical agencies have been making the headlines of newspapers and other media outlets all over the world. The ESA managed to land a rover on a comet 317 million miles away. NASA has been exploring Mars to see if we could one day live on it. Russia is building […]

Barack Obama Shifts His Focus to Hazelnut Shortage

Washington, D.C. – There’s a lot going on in America right now and President Barack Obama has been criticized for taking off to Martha’s Vineyard to vacation with his family. The president was seen enjoying his time on the beach and the golf course, but has since returned and has a lot to deal with. […]

McDonald’s Announces New McSlender Menu Thanks to Tapeworms

Oak Brook, Il- McDonald’s is introducing their new “McSlender Menu ” to the three cities with the highest obesity percentages in the United States: Huntington-Ashland, Ohio, McCallen, Texas, and Haggerstown, Maryland. According to McDonald’s, they are offering the new McSlender menu so that customers may continue to enjoy traditional McDonald’s food, without having to worry […]

Study Shows 70% of Domestic Abuse Is Caused by IKEA

Boston, MA – A recent study done at Harvard University showed some very unfortunate results. Jake Richards, a Criminal Justice student, wanted to do his thesis on domestic abuse and the cause. What he found out was something he never expected. The Chicago native interviewed different police chiefs, doctors, and psychologists across the country, all […]