Allston, MA – The city of Allston is known for one thing: hipsters. If you’ve ever been to this Boston neighborhood, you probably noticed the amount of mustaches, record stores, and bicyclists. The city even has it’s own unofficial holiday: Allston Christmas. The holiday takes place over the first two days in September, when people are moving out of their apartments and leave things on the curb. People come from all over Massachusetts to see what goodies have been left for grabs. As fun and vibrant as Allston might be, there was a massive accident today right outside of Vinnie’s Vinyls today.
It was announced this morning on Vinnie’s Facebook page that the store had just gotten a brand new, unreleased copy of Bon Iver’s For Emma, Forever Ago with two new unreleased tracks and commentary by Justin Vernon. Within minutes, the streets of Allston were filled with even more bicyclists than usual. The bikers, just like every other day, avoided any actual bike rules of the road, as they rushed to get their first to pick up the only copy of the album.
As one of the bikers took a sip of his PBR, he crashed into a fire hydrant. Fifty nine more bikers crashed after him, piling on what is the biggest fixie bike pile-up in the history of Allston. Ironic outfits made of plaid and tufs of iornic facial hair littered the streets of Allston. Ambulances races to the scene, but weren’t able to save everyone. Fourteen bikers were killed and another fifty six were injured. Luckily, the injured were able to pay for their hospital bills with their parents money.