New York, NY- In a stunning reversal, presidential candidate Donald Trump completely changed his position on immigration when it was discovered that his hair was, in fact, a tribble. When confronted by the DNA evidence, Trump broke down, saying, “This is huuuge. After offending virtually every minority in America, and women with good reason, I […]
This season of The Bachelorette has been anything but ordinary. From it’s odd beginning, where two broken hearted women were once again pitted against one another to vie for the attention of not 1, but 25 men. To Ryan M. being too “horned up” to handle and getting the boot before the first rose ceremony. […]
How to Whale Watch 1. Get on a boat captained by a man who’s given a gender identity to a large piece of floating fiberglass and holds onto a handshake just a little too long 2. Listen to your sister’s boyfriend talk about how he doesn’t get seasick and used to go to his friend’s […]
Washington, D.C – Amid a crowd of rambunctious college males, the senate announced that the Keystone Pipeline has passed. “It was a close vote, but the America Senate has decided to pass the controversial pipeline,” said Rich Slickman.. The announcement drew thousands of college males out of their dorms to celebrate and party. Obama has […]
Stoolbend, VA – In the sleepy town of Stoolbend, dozens of local volunteer firefights are being indicted on animal cruelty charges. In a sick ring of false heroism, nearly the entire volunteer force were caught hurling kittens into trees so they could then rescue them and make themselves look good for the city. “I felt like […]
New York, NY – Raymond Felton, the starting guard for the New York Knicks, was arrested on illegal gun possession at 3:00 in the morning last night. The arrest happened only a few hours after Dirk Nowitzki broke the hearts of every fan at the Garden with his game winning shot. Much has been made […]
Vatican, Rome – This guy is just full of surprises. In is short tenure, Pope Francis has already made a multitude of radical movements in an attempt to shift the focus of the Catholic Church towards its more humble beginnings. He has given up the gold, robes, throne, and jewels that were bestowed upon him […]
Los Angeles, CA – Merely weeks after Kanye West shocked fans and the community alike by incorporating the “Stars and Bars” Confederate flag into his clothing line, the college dropout has announced an upcoming single that might make people forget about his offensive apparel. Earlier today, West announced his plans to collaborate with Miley Cyrus’ […]
Walking down the street. Do wah diddy diddy dum. Damn it is that gum?
Hey Peyton Manning. What’s up with your forehead there? More like fivehead, right?