New York, NY- In a stunning reversal, presidential candidate Donald Trump completely changed his position on immigration when it was discovered that his hair was, in fact, a tribble.
When confronted by the DNA evidence, Trump broke down, saying, “This is huuuge. After offending virtually every minority in America, and women with good reason, I cannot continue my immigration stance in light of this news.”
Trump is under the impression that based on his strong immigration position the discovery that his hair is an alien would result in its deportation. “I can and will offend anyone I please, but the thought of doing it bald has shaken me to my core.”
Reactions ranged from Captain James T. Kirk’s, “Is. He. Mad. This is. Incomprehensible to. Me,” to Fox’s Sean Hannity saying, “The Obama Administration has once again betrayed the American people by allowing a job that could have easily been performed by any woodchuck or beaver from this country to be given to an alien.” When told a tribble was a space alien and not an illegal from another country, Hannity responded, “I see. Then it must be Bill Clinton’s fault.”
In a related story, Rush Limbaugh has sold his stockpile of prescription painkillers in order to commission a flight to deep space to find a tribble of his own. “With a head of hair like that, I won’t be in pain at all,” Limbaugh said.