Washington, D.C – Amid a crowd of rambunctious college males, the senate announced that the Keystone Pipeline has passed. “It was a close vote, but the America Senate has decided to pass the controversial pipeline,” said Rich Slickman.. The announcement drew thousands of college males out of their dorms to celebrate and party. Obama has since declared that he will veto the bill. Obama released a statement almost immediately following the vote, saying, “This bill will negatively affect Americans, the environment and the sobriety of thousands.”

The celebrations continued throughout the day in places predominately in the Northeast, where Keystone Light is drunk the most. A University of New Hampshire student is quoted as saying, “Hell yeah bro! We’re gunna get an unlimited pipeline of thirty racks!” It is unclear at this time when the pipeline will be completed or even where the pipe will be laid. That did not stop many from celebrating the chance of having “that sweet liquid” being delivered nationwide.