Washington, DC – Although America recently fell out of first place to Mexico as the fattest country in the world, the country still gets excited over a new food item. With BuzzFeed lists and online campaigns bringing back favorite items like French Toast cereal and Surge and new creations like pretzel bread and pizza with Doritos crust, Americans keep having new things to look forward to. Word has leaked that the government is behind a lot of these returns and creations.

“If there’s anything I know about Americans,” President Barack Obama started. “It’s that they love food. It cures their problems for a while and makes them forget about all that’s going on.” Obama and his administration have been paying companies like General Mills and Coca-Cola to bring back items to distract Americans from all of the problems going on. Obama and his crew have also been creating new tasty goods as well.

“We smoked some doobage one morning and that’s where the idea for the Cronut came from,” The 44th president recalls.  Barack, Michelle, and Jbides all sat down for breakfast last year and enjoyed a plate of croissants and donuts. “Biden smooshed a donut and a croissant and ate them together. Then we all tried it and realized we needed to get it out to the world. To distract them from everything.”

Up until now, everyone thought it was New York chef, Dominique Ansel, who created the cronut. Although the French Pastry Chef is highly acclaimed, Obama let Ansel pretend it was his creation. The president and his administration are also behind most of the other creations and comebacks in an effort to keep Americans focused on sweets and not the problems of their country.