Washington, D.C. – In an effort to be number one at anything and everything, the United States is working on fattening itself up so it can take back the title as the fattest country in the world.
Earlier this year, Mexico became the fattest country in the world, stealing the title from it’s northern neighbors. While most are happy with this, true patriots and competitive Americans will stop at nothing to take this title back. In an effort to do so, across the country are giving away free food to customers.
“There’s no way I’ll let Mexico take any title from the best country in the world,” Dale Franklin told us. Franklin owns Chicken n’ Things, a small chain of fast food restaurants in the south east. “There’s no way I’ll allow those Spaniards to keep that title.”
President Obama has also decided to take part in fattening up his country even more. “I know it’s against everything that Michelle has been building up all of these years,” he told us. “Bu t I didn’t become president so we could be number two in anything.” The president plans on having helicopters drop bags of burgers and fries across all major cities starting this weekend and doing it every weekend until the end of the year.