Earth – It’s been quite a while since our creator reached out to us. In fact, it’s been 4,359 years, to be exact. The last time God reached out to us was when he flooded the earth of it’s people and their sins. God left Noah and his family to survive the Armageddon and create a new population. He promised to never interact with his people again, no matter how bad things would get. Now, over 4,000 years later, God has reached back out to his creations.

God recently sent a very heartfelt letter to earth to apologize for one major mistake. The creator decided it was time to get in contact again with His people to let them know he is sorry for creating the Kardashians. 

In the 4,000 years since God last contacted us, a lot of bad things have happened. We’ve seen war, poverty, genocide, and so much more. But nothing has been as bad as the creation of the Kardashian and Jenner family.

The letter reads: 

Dearest Humans,

Heyyyyyyy. Sure been a while. How you been? I hope everything has been going good down there. Listen, I wanted to reach out and tell you I made a HUGE mistake with the whole creation of the Kardashian and Jenner family. Totes my bad. I thought they would last a year or two and get your minds off of war and all the other terrible stuff you guys got going on down there. This has gone on wayyy too long. Seriously. 

How are you still keeping up with these people? I just don’t get it. Do you know many great sitcoms have been cancelled because people keep on keeping up with this family? “Trophy Wife,” “Super Fun Night,” “Surviving Jack;” these were all great shows, but because you watched the Kardashians instead, these shows got cancelled. It’s all about the Nielsen ratings!

Sorry. I got off on a tangent there. This isn’t about me. It’s about you. Not only is there “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” but there’s other shows about this family. Who cares what the hell Kourtney and Kim are doing in Miami? And why are people buying their products? 

So, I have decided to go with a second flood. I have learned how to handle them a little more of the years, though. For everyone who is a Kardashian, a Jenner, or a viewer of any of their garbage, I will be casting a cloud of rain over you until you drown. The world will be a much better place without you.