NFL Retirement Plan Includes New Hire Information to Become Walmart Greeters

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New York, NY – Roger Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, held a press conference earlier today to discuss the future of retired NFL players. Professional football players and basketball players are known for living the high life and spending all of their money shortly after they retire. Big houses, Escalades, jewelry and yachts are some of the many luxury items that these athletes blow all of their money on. Around 95% of these retirees, the ones who don’t have sponsors or get jobs as commentators, end up having to find normal jobs, but don’t have the right education to get something stable. Even worse, they have a great amount of brain damage. That is why Goodell has announced he will be instating a new program that helps professional athletes make a smooth transition from the life of a professional athlete to the life of a Wal Mart store greeter.

“This is something I’ve been thinking about for a few years now,” Goodell mentioned in his press conference. “It breaks my heart to see these people end up struggling to find a dead-end job just to be able to eat.” Goodell went on to say he becomes very close with a lot of the players and tries to help them once they retire, but there’s only so much he can do for them.

Goodell is working mostly with Wal Mart. He said that most NFL retirees end up so brain damaged that the only job they can actually work is a greeter at the retail corporation. “It wasn’t hard getting them on board,” the Commissioner told us. “Wal Mart sees so many of our people applying for jobs and spending the rest of their lives greeting customers and giving them stickers.” Goodell told  us that C. Douglas Mcmillon, the CEO of Wal Mart, was totally on board and is they are in works now to set up a contract.

With the season just starting out, Goodell thinks that he can implement his new program by the end of this season. “I’m working with a lot of people in the NFL to make this work. I hope this works out for us so baseball can take on the same approach shortly after.