The Truth Behind the Government Shutdown: Congress Stalling to Re-Watch Entirety of Breaking Bad

Washington, D.C.— As the first government shutdown in seventeen years goes into effect the American public is left wondering, who’s really at fault here: the GOP? Obama? A totally inept political mechanism? Or, more simply, Walter White?
 
What does a fictional chemistry teacher turned meth kingpin have to do with the United States government’s inability to pass a feasible budget, realistically, nothing. Not one single thing. But that totally ignores the reality— I mean, did you see that finale… holy shit. For the ten million plus people who tuned in to watch the finale of Breaking Bad and the countless others streaming online, the sheer shock and brutality… I’m sorry, it’s too soon… 
 
What Congress has really done is allow for a period of rest and reflection as the american public comes to grips with the series finale of Breaking Bad by marathoning the entire series in an attempt to understand exactly why this tragedy was allowed to happen. As any historian will tell you, it’s absolutely crucial to learn from the past lest you repeat the same mistakes. 
 
The truth is, congress could have easily passed a budget with a little bit of their famed go-getter, no-nonsense, bipartisan work ethic. It’s simply a case of the government knowing better than the people what the people need: time. 
 
Reports confirm that just after midnight President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner were heard having a heated debate about Walter White’s attempts at achieving happiness as a small business owner in an ever corporatizing America.