Cincinnati, OH — The Cincinnati Bengals recently announced the contract extension of quarterback, Andy Dalton, for another six years. Mixed emotions can be expected regarding the deal, as Dalton, who despite success in the regular season, has yet to win a playoff game during his three year professional career. It’s not only his lack of playoff success, though, fans across Ohio just don’t want a ginger leading their team anymore.
“How in the hell are we supposed to win football games with a ginger quarterback?” Cincinnati fan club president and chief tailgater Doug Johnson stated. “I don’t want my kids looking up to some ginger.”
The outrage started just minutes after the extension was announced, with fans picketing outside of Bengal Stadium. Some of the signs read things like, “Last Pick at Recess for a Reason” and “Redheads Can’t Score in the Red Zone”. The affects have even reached the city government, as members push for a bill to protect a citizen’s right to an athletic quarterback. One counsel member was quoted saying, “The Dalton deal is a disgrace for Bengals football. It has managed to suck the soul out of the city of Cincinnati and give it to Andy Dalton.”