East Greenwich, RI – For Alex Panettiere, a rodeo clown based right outside of Providence, it was bad enough he was on a dry spell. It seemed like it had been forever since he had been intimate with a woman and he just didn’t know what he was doing wrong. What made it even worse was he had to throw out all of the condoms in his nightstand as they had expired.

“I was cleaning out my drawer the other night,” the Endicott graduate started. “And I found my condoms buried below receipts, concert tickets and more. I dusted them off and looked around for the expiration date. I felt like an archeologist digging up a lost artifact.” Panettiere finally found the expiration date, just to find out the condoms were expired.

Since this unfortunate discovery, the Massachusetts native went out and bought a new pack. “I’m really hoping I can have relations again before these condoms expire.” Alex told us. “They’re magnums, by the way.” He added with a wink.