Overcompensating Zoologist Says the Difference between Us and Monkeys Is We Have Bigger Penises

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Santa Barbara, CA – Whether you believe in evolution or not, we all know that humans and monkeys have a lot in common. It has been said before that homo sapiens and monkeys have around 95% of the same DNA. Studies on this matter are always being done, but one zoologist is writing his thesis on a different study involving primates.

Walter Freedman, a doctoral student at University of California – Santa Barbara, is working on his senior thesis involving a hypothesis out of the ordinary. The Chicago native is setting out to prove that humans have bigger penises than monkeys.

Sources around the Santa Barbara campus have told us that Freedman isn’t exactly packing heat. They believe that the zoologist is doing this study just to prove that he has a bigger penis than something else in his family.