Trump Cuts Ribbon at West Wing McDonald’s Location

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Washington, DC – There is a lot going on in the country right now. A pandemic, unemployment, protests; we could have never guessed that the turn of the decade would start off with so much uncertainty and sadness. You would think Trump would be spending all of his time and energy working to fix these issues, but the 45th president is spending his time on a different project: Opening a McDonald’s in the West Wing of the White House.

“Yeah, it’s not what we thought he would be focusing on right now,” Samuel Dickinson told us. The intern has been working at the White House since March and tell us the role is not what he thought it would be. “I got a hold of the blueprints about a month ago and I was surprised, but also not. You know?” The Yale student wanted to focus his time at the White House learning about diplomatic translation, a career he wants to start following his 2022 graduation, but instead has been the Project Manager on the McDonald’s construction. I told my boss here I took an architecture class in high school and next thing I knew, I was pretty much in charge of the whole thing.

Earlier this morning, Trump cut the ribbon on the West Wing McDonald’s location. “He was far too excited for this,” Dickinson told us. “He’s been asking for once since the moment he was elected. The first thing he ordered was a Happy Meal, for himself, with a Diet Coke.” According to the newly appointed construction employee, Trump is looking to tear down the China Room next and replace it with a candy store. Staff tried to tell Trump that the room is for ceramics, glass, and silver used in the White House or owned by the first families, but Trump called the room communist and said it needs to be removed.