The Expendables 4: Shipwrecked to Resume Where Cast Last Washed Up

Hollywood, CA - Sequels are pretty much all Hollywood has going for them these days. Whether or not they are good movies, they at least make a lot of...

Local Teen Having Tough Time Masturbating in New Tiny House

Longmont, CO - Tiny homes are one of the biggest trends these days. If you flip through the channels, you'll see many new shows showcasing this architectural and social movement....

Beachball at Nickelback Concert Pops Itself

Nashville, TN – It seems the whole world hates Nickelback, yet the band still manages to top the charts and sell out arenas all over the world. The Canadian...

Naked Cowboy Migrates South for the Winter

Miami, FL - Although this winter is not as harsh as the previous ones, you can always count on birds to migrate south for the winter. Flocks of birds,...

Carnival Cruise Line Guests Stumble upon Cannibalistic Tribe

Cozumel - There are many reasons one may never go on a cruise. Fear of falling overboard, becoming seasick, claustrophobia; these are all reasons that may cause one to refrain...

Donald Trump’s Cabinet Joins Local Dodgeball League

Washington, D.C. - As of tomorrow, Donald Trump will be our president. Even worse than that, the billionaire has rounded up a cabinet of wealthy people who know absolutely...

Betsy DeVos to Go Through “Billy Madison Challenge” Before Starting New Position

Washington, D.C. - If you went on Facebook this morning, you probably watched at least one video of American business woman and politician, Betsy DeVos, stumbling to answer any...

Mark Wahlberg Anxiously Awaits Next Tragedy

Hollywood, CA - The movie industry is always cashing in on whatever makes them money. It doesn't matter if it upsets people, if it lines their wallet with more...

Forest Whitaker’s Left Eye to Retire from Acting

Hollywood, CA – Fresh off of the lengthy press tour for the newest Star Wars movie, Forest Whitaker announced on Twitter this morning that his left eye will be...

The Rolling Stones Release New Single, ‘#Party 4 Ever’

London, England - The toughest thing about being an artist is that it's all about supply and demand. A filmmaker has to do a remake or a reboot instead...

Jay Leno Caught Having Sex with Car

Los Angeles, CA - Jay Leno is known for many things. The comedian-turned-late night host has spent more than half his life on television. He was a recurring guest on...

Historians Believe Jesus Would Have ‘Totally Worn Crocs’

Wenham, MA - Historians have been studying Jesus Christ for thousands of years and they will continue to for thousands more. Whether you believe in Jesus as the son...

Steve Buscemi Partners with Kmart to Release New Sweatpant Line

Brooklyn, NY - Steve Buscemi is known for some great things. The Brooklyn native has played some of the most memorable roles in Adam Sandler productions, made most gangsters...

Elon Musk Speeds up Mars Project; Desperate to Get Us the Fuck off This...

Bel-Air, CA - Elon Musk is one of the best and brightest innovators we've had in years. The South African native is responsible for Tesla Motors, Solar City and so...

Ken Bone to Star in Marvel Porn Parody

Belleville, IL - It doesn't take much to become a "celebrity" in this country. Maybe your dad made it so a murderer was found innocent and then you make...
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