Crooked Boston Cop Just in It for the Pasta

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South Boston, MA – For as long as police officahs have patrolled our streets, there has always been some that were corrupt. Policemen have had ties with politicians, celebrities and most importantly, the mafia. Although the mafia has quieted down around the country over the last few decades, it still stays somewhat prahminent in Massachusetts’ capital.

Donny O’Malley, a native of South Boston, has been a police officah now for ovah ten yeahs. To his community, O’Malley is somewhat of a hero. He has stopped many convenient stah robberies, often plays in pick-up games of basketball with locals in Petahs Pahk, and has sponsahed many charities throughout the city. Late last night, police officahs responded to a call that there was a disturbance dawn by the watah.

“We were saddened to stumble upon Donny at the scene of the crime,” Mark O’Donnell told us. The Boston police chief has worked in the force for over 40 years now and considered O’Malley a son. “We showed up to the docks around 11:52pm and heard some violent screams in one of the warehouses.” After calling in backup, five men were arrested, including O’Malley.

“At first, I thought maybe he was undahcovah,” Joe O’Connell told us. The Dorchastah native has been a part of the Boston Police force since the 80s and considers Donny to be a son. “Long story shat, the men we arrested were paht of the Italian mafia and were cracking dawn on a local who allegedly owed them money.

“This really hurts our community,” Robbie O’Doughtry told us. The Chahlestown native runs a boxing ring next to one of Boston’s 4,700 Dunkin’ Donuts and taught O’Mally how to box growing up.” “I consider him to be one of my sons.”

O’Malley letting his community dawn was one thing, but he let dawn his heritage as the Irish and Italians have always warred with one another. While out on a $100,000 bail, O’Malley gave a press speech at down by that statue of Paul Reveah.

“There is nobody here that is more disappointed than me,” O’Malley told his community. I let my motha dawn, I let my fatha dawn. What I did was inexcusable. My son, Donny O’Malley III, asked me last night after the Sox game, why I did what I did. I want to tell all of you the exact same thing I told him; because it’s the truth. I fuckin love pasta so much, kid. The family that I have been working with all these years, they make the best fuckin’ gabagool. And the pastries, oh man, they make Mike’s look like an amateur shop. That’s the only reason that I did what I did. The Irish mafia, man, they got fish and chips and Guinness. That’s not fah me.”