Family Fears Worst as Compulsively Masturbating Son Asks for Only Socks for Christmas

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Haverhill, MA – Jared Smith, a Guidance Counselor at a small community college just north of Boston, didn’t really know what he wanted for Christmas. After scoring a great job out of college this May, he settled down in a nice apartment far from his parents. He had a nice set up and was able to afford everything he needed like a flat screen TV, XBox Live and the newest iPad. A few months ago, his parents asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He couldn’t think of anything for a while, but eventually told his mother and father all he really wanted was a bunch of socks.

His parents were happy that their son finally found something for them to get, but they were a little upset to find out what it was. His mother, Cindy, always did her son’s laundry growing up and found way too many of his socks ruined. His father, Tom, understood his wish list and convinced his wife to grant their only child’s list.

They went out to Old Navy this past weekend and bought 15 pairs of socks for only $4.99. While wrapping all of the socks to put under the tree, the parents didn’t exchange any conversation as Cindy was still in denial. They both look forward to giving their son presents that make him happy.