Rob Gronkowski’s Latest Concussion Renders Him Literate


Foxborough, MA – With the Super Bowl only one weekend away, the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles are gearing up for quite a match. Both teams have been spending extra time practicing on their respected fields, working out in their gyms, and gathering around in the locker room to watch footage of their competitors in previous games. With The Patriots’ quarterback just come off of an injury that almost withheld him from the pre-qualifying game, we are here to report there has been another injury: Rob Gronkowski has suffered a concussion.

In a practice earlier this morning, the Tight End went up against Chandler Jones which resulted in Gronk having to sit the rest of the practice out on the sidelines. Later on that day, Dr. Price, Head Team Physician and Medical Director of the Patriots, pulled Gronkowski into his office to check to see if he had a concussion. Not only did the New York native suffer a concussion, but the twenty-eight-year-old also noticed he could now make sense of written content.

“I was bewildered,” Gronkowski told us later today in an interview. “I never could comprehend words when they were in books, magazines and other cuneiform. Now, all of a sudden, I’m catching up on all of the things I missed! Hunger Games, Little Critter, the poetic brilliance of Shakespeare; this once unfathomable experience was unbeknownst to me, but now I will make sure I really take it all in.” The University of Arizona grad went on to tell us that he has already read the Dictionary twice and is even reading the Sports Illustrated articles in the swimsuit edition.

Gronkowski plans on taking the next year off from the NFL to read as many things as possible.