Los Angeles, CA – In an unexpected twist, Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child earlier today at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The ridiculously private daughter of the late attorney Robert Kardashian, she has been known to wear disguises in public to avoid being recognized. Medical professionals have gone as far as to suggest she may even be agoraphobic.

Her refusal to be a public figure throughout her life has caused interest in her activities to become only more fervent. Several television networks even offered her a lucrative contract in order to broadcast a reality show centered around her life. Kardashian immediately declined the inquiries, letting it be known to close confidants that only a materialistic whore would let her life be broadcast to the world.

Nonetheless, sources confirm that Kardashian indeed became a mother today. Attempts to uncover the identity of the father of the child have thus far been unsuccessful, who by all accounts is likewise something of a recluse.