San Diego, CA – We all know that women hang out with uglier women to make themselves look prettier. They’ve been doing this since the beginning of time. You may find yourself attracted to a women at a club, but once you separate her from the girls surrounding her, you realize what she really looks like. It’s surprising how long it took, but man has finally adapted this trick when it comes to the size of the penis.

Jake Albridge, a partner at a law firm in American’s Finest City, came up with the idea a few months ago. “It had come to the point where I was just getting tricked by women way too much,” Albridge started. “So I thought I would take advantage of their tactic.” The next few weeks were filled with a lot of planning. Albridge got all of his friends together and carefully, but discretely examined their bulges. The ones with the smallest, he treated like royalty. The rest were treated like garbage. The ones who weren’t treated nicely left early and told Albridge they wanted nothing to do with him. The plan was working perfectly. Next, Albridge grew even closer with his small-bulged friends. He did this by doing things like paying for drinks and always driving everwhere. Soon enough, he had the perfect crew of people to roll with that would help him look way bigger in the pants.

“It’s been a success ever since it started,” the Harvard graduate told us. “I’m picking up women like crazy these days and nobody is onto me yet. Well, once they get back to my place they are, but at the point it’s fine.”