Confused Trump Sends Military to Ben Gibbard’s House to Ban New Postal Service Music
Seattle, WA – A few weeks ago, Donald Trump set his sights on his next target: The U.S. Postal Service. Since his term started almost four years ago, the 45th president has come after organizations such as NATO, as well as companies like Twitter. The New York native is taking this next vendetta to “Such […]
Four Octogenarian Women Murder Husbands to Live Out Golden Girls Fantasy
Miami, FL – Since the start of Covid-19, relationships have either suffered or strengthened as people have been quarantined with their partners. Divorce attorneys are already seeing a surge in divorce rates, but a recent story coming out of nowhere else but Florida actually has been in the plans since before everything. In the early […]
Celine Dion’s Heart Still Going on
Montreal, Quebec – On December 19th, 1997 a little movie called Titanic hit theaters all over the world and really introduced the world to the brilliance of James Cameron, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Kate Winslet. The movie tells a fictionalized version of the tragedy of the unsinkable boat’s fate on the night of April 15th, 1912. […]
High School Sweethearts Still Going Strong With Bag of Flour
Harwich, MA – Parenthood is a tough job to take on. Because of this, high schoolers are taught in Home Ec class exactly how to one day take care of a baby. Some students are given eggs to take care of, others are given dolls that actually mimic the crying of a baby and the […]
Scientist Tells Spider We’re More Afraid of Them
Austin, TX – Summer is just around the corner, which means spiders are going to start showing up in our homes again. The eight-legged creatures have been on this planet for over 380 million years and have been scaring humans since day one. When asked what someone fears most, the response is usually: spiders. Is […]
Launch Delayed Due to Astronauts Not Knowing How to Spell Password Containing Elon Musk’s Son’s Name
Cape Canaveral, FL – The whole country watched in anticipation today as the SpaceX was supposed to leave for its trip to space. This exploration is a big mark in history, as it would’ve been America’s first trip to space since 2011. The launch is also quite notable, as NASA has partnered with billionaire tech […]
Rob Gronkowski’s Latest Concussion Renders Him Literate
Foxborough, MA – With the Super Bowl only one weekend away, the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles are gearing up for quite a match. Both teams have been spending extra time practicing on their respected fields, working out in their gyms, and gathering around in the locker room to watch footage of their […]
Kanye West Begins Filming Where Are They Now?
Hollywood, CA – Let’s face it: Kanye won’t be around forever. The brilliant producer turned rapper has already shown his flame is fading over the past few years. He cancelled half of his tour, admitted he was broke and even pulled a Dr. Evil, begging Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg for one million dollars. The Chicago […]