New Healthcare Plan “Accidentally” Printed in Russian
Washington, D.C. – It’s been a hell of a month for Trump. He has lost most of his supporters, Japan’s first lady pretended not to know English to avoid him, and Sean Spicer recently quit his job as White House Press Secretary. On top of these recent downfalls of the Trump administration, the 45th president […]
Betsy DeVos to Go Through “Billy Madison Challenge” Before Starting New Position
Washington, D.C. – If you went on Facebook this morning, you probably watched at least one video of American business woman and politician, Betsy DeVos, stumbling to answer any and every question she was asked about the future of our educational system. Questions were asked from people such as Vermont’s own Bernie Sanders, Democrat Elizabeth […]
14 Dead, 56 Wounded in Allston’s Largest Fixie Bike Pile-Up
Allston, MA – The city of Allston is known for one thing: hipsters. If you’ve ever been to this Boston neighborhood, you probably noticed the amount of mustaches, record stores, and bicyclists. The city even has it’s own unofficial holiday: Allston Christmas. The holiday takes place over the first two days in September, when people […]
McDonald’s Protestors Stop at McDonald’s for Lunch
Oak Brook, IL – It’s been months now since fast-food workers started protesting. Employees from McDonald’s and other fast-food chains all across the country have been fighting to make more money, as their pay makes it so most of them are still living in poverty. Success has been reached already in Los Angeles, so the Fight […]
Senate Passes Keystone Pipeline; Thousands of College Students Celebrate the New Delivery System
Washington, D.C – Amid a crowd of rambunctious college males, the senate announced that the Keystone Pipeline has passed. “It was a close vote, but the America Senate has decided to pass the controversial pipeline,” said Rich Slickman.. The announcement drew thousands of college males out of their dorms to celebrate and party. Obama has […]
Barack Obama Admits to Creating Cronut to Distract Americans from Economic Struggles
Washington, DC – Although America recently fell out of first place to Mexico as the fattest country in the world, the country still gets excited over a new food item. With BuzzFeed lists and online campaigns bringing back favorite items like French Toast cereal and Surge and new creations like pretzel bread and pizza with […]
Study Shows Uranus Is Too Dirty to Live on
Cannes, FR – Over the last few months, aeronautical agencies have been making the headlines of newspapers and other media outlets all over the world. The ESA managed to land a rover on a comet 317 million miles away. NASA has been exploring Mars to see if we could one day live on it. Russia is building […]
Plans for iPhone 7 Leaked; Phone Will Be Same Size as 13-inch MacBook Pro
Silicon Valley, CA – The news of the upcoming iPhone 6 was just released to the world and the debate between Apple’s phone and Samsung’s Galaxy phone has been sparked once again. Not only have the Galaxy fans been trashing the update, but the new iPhone is going to be larger than its predecessor, which […]